In the Evening We Shall be Examined on Love – St. John of the Cross

And it won’t be multiple choice,
Though some of us would prefer it that way.
Neither will it be essay, which tempts us to run on
When we should be sticking to the point, if not together.
In the evening, there shall be implications
Our fear will change to complications. “No cheating,”
We’ll be told, and we’ll try to figure the cost of being true
To ourselves. In the evening, when the sky has turned
That certain blue, the blue of exam books, books of no more
Daily evasion, we shall climb the hill as the light empties
And park our tired bodies on a bench above the city
And try to fill in the blanks. And we won’t be tested
Like defendants on trial, cross-examined
Till one of us breaks down, guilty as charged. No,
In the evening, after the day has refused to testify,
We shall be examined on love like students
Who don’t even recall signing up for the course
And now must take their orals, forced to speak for once
From the heart and not off the top of their heads.
And when the evening is over and it’s late
The student body asleep, even the great teachers
Retired for the night, we shall stay up
And run back over the questions, each in our own way:
What’s true and what’s false, what unknown quantity
Will balance the equation, what it would mean years from now
To look back and know
We did not fail.

Thomas Centolella, Lights and Mysteries,
Port Townsend, WA: Cooper Canyon Press, 19195, p. 114

Keep Fresh Before Me the Moments of My High Resolve

Keep fresh before me
The moments of my high resolve


Despite the dullness and barrenness of the days that pass, if I search with due diligence, I can always find a deposit left by some former radiance. But I had forgotten. At the time it was full-orbed, glorious and resplendent. I was sure that I would never forget. In the moment of its fullness, I was sure that it would illumine my path for all the rest of my journey I had forgotten how easy it is to forget.

There was not intent to betray what seemed so sure at the time. My response was whole, clean, authentic. But little by little there crept into my life the dust and grit of the journey. Details, lower-level demands, all kinds of cross-currents–nothing momentous, nothing overwhelming, nothing flagrant–just wear and tear. If there had been some direct challenge–a clear-cut issue–I would have fought it to the end and beyond.

In the quietness of this place, surrounded by the all-pervading Presence of God, my heart whispers: Keep fresh before me the moments of my High Resolve, that in fair weather or in foul, in good times or in tempests, in the days when the darkness and the foe are nameless or unfamiliar, I may not forget that to which my life is committed.

Keep fresh before me
The moments of my high resolve.

Meditations of the Heart by Howard Thurman
p 209-210

Howard Thurman

Yesterday, and perhaps for the two days prior, I have felt afloat, adrift. Here light, and not here. As though I was no longer connected to the whole of my being and of the Universe. Drifting.

This morning I remembered this meditation. Rather, Source bounced it around the outer edges of my spiritual eardrum, once again bringing this piece to my attention.

I wonder if I am not somehow only better when I have cause, a purpose, a mission. When I am fighting with most every fiber to gain some treasure of this earth plane. Then, when I am not, I seem to be loosely tethered to the ground, floating to and fro much like the flag being ushered then every scooted by the wind.

I am grateful that even when I am off course, Divine Presence is ever on course
I am grateful that even when my sense of connection is off the radar, Divine Presence clearly knows my location
I am grateful the even a whispered, bashful prayer of seeking remembrance and re-inclusion, Divine Presence acted on in real, nourishing, comforting time

I am so blessed.
And so it is.

The Best

The best, like water
Benefit all and do not compete.
They dwell in lowly spots that everyone else scorns.
Putting others before themselves
The find themselves in the foremost place
And come very near to the Tao.
In their dwelling, they love the earth;
In their heart, they love what is deep;
In their personal relationships, they love kindness;
In their word they love truth.
In the world, they love peace.
In their personal affairs, they love what is right.
In action, they love choosing the right time.
It is because they do not compete with others
That they are beyond the reproach of the world.

Lao Tzu
Passage Meditation, Eknath Easwaran p 39

In passage meditation one is encouraged to memorize a scripture or sacred text, on which to meditate. When I first read this piece, it did not sink in. I did not understand it. I suspect I have mental blocks from when approaching anything in poem format due to past traumas!
This morning though, is speaks to me. I am pondering what it is to be “the best” and to “not compete.”

Yesterday I had a meeting at work. I had reached my limit emotionally with trying to address a challenge, but also a limit on who to go to and how to get some resolution. I could not understand how I could so easily see a situation as problematic while others could not. It was crazy-making!

They meeting went surprisingly well…and okay it was stacked in my favor as two of my many bosses actively attended. I don’t believe I have ever known such guileless, freely given support. I am grateful.

Yet there was not tension in the exchange. Everyone used their good company manners. The issue was thoroughly discussed. A plan was created and a deal line set.

Upon reflection, I witness behavior of “the best.” But even more I got to move in the role of “the best.” Before attending the gathering I felt the support of the Universe. My sense was that this coming together would be productive and resistance free. That I could attend without having to make threat, lead the offensive or be on the defensive. That was a first for me with a work issue which for me is so emotionally charged.

Every where present. I marvel how Source demonstrations before I know I am in need, and without my even asking. So very, amazingly blessed.

Peace. Out.